flick_flickr.

. . .
damn damn damn.
i'm IN flickr.


so i ho´pe i really got the cam to christmas.

ou ou. it'S the 21th of Dez.
just 3 days yet
<3

christmas standing.?!

wow the last blog entry is so long ago.

between that time so much happend with me...
first i got so drunk and i had so much fun with my sister .
we went to "bollwerk" and watched new moon in the starmovie liezen.


and then i got sick.
for me now, it was like i had sleept all the time.
because i just got up drank tea ,watched tv or even slept.

now christmas is comming and i so happy and this feeling <3


listening to : i caught myself - paramore

16 and not already dead^^

hey there.
this weekend was my 16.th birthday.
oh it was so lovely and great^^

i did nothing
just studing for this sick test


-.-


my presents:
many chocolate bars
a perfum form my mother
money,
and other stoff like that.

this week there so much i have to do.
to study and to buy
that my head nearly is exploding.


. . but i'm just trying to be happy.

i got a secret. <3

. woaahrrr .

why is .growing up. so hard.

okay. I'm shy.
but mi shyness is so big ..
today i waited 2 hours in the cold
and just because I'm so shy.


tahha. ;D
I need a made couch.^^



my brain doesn't work really creativ today.
so i have to leave


.this secrets will kill us
.so get on your knies and prey for .
.forgiveness.
> chelsea smile<

breekatchu..

sunday is still the day i stay up long.
today was a bit stange
but great.

i wrote with 2 guys .
it was fun.


.still thinking of one boy.

save you.!

or save me.

you already know.
sitting in my room in linz.
hate it.

parents treat you like a 5-year old child.
to hate myself about my body.

to doesn't like the school and everything.
it's so terrorising to me.


i could cry everynight.
i could scream everyday.
i hat this life and i must love it
and i don't have a choice

last blog was better.
and it is getting worse.!!!


:[

Tom's diner...

don't read the last post.
it was shit...

it all stayed the same.

and i can't helf myself.

ich schreib mal wieder auf deutsch oder so ein schlechtes deutsch wie ich es eben habe.
ich finde langsam wird Linz richtig nerfig und langweig und
ich weiß nicht wo ich meinen Ergeiz her bekommen soll.

Ich verliere langsam die Menschen die ich liebe
und dass ist das schlimmste was passieren kann.
aber ich kann es nicht stoppen weil ich hier draußen bin.


do do do do...

*listening to >Tom's diner<

never black.?!

it is 13:15.
I'm listening to Jack Johnson - If i had eyes.

i decide to wear not so much black and see life clearly different then ever.



.In or out of love.?!.

killing in the name of..

oh in the last time i've really forgotten to think about my dream.
you know.
to go to the usa.

I was busy in lerning.
school is really irritaiting ;]

Apart from english. and the art subjects.
but even so i forgott the homework in english and maths.
warrrrrrrrr*




and the weekend... no it was so hard for me.
to accept that boys are just kissing maschiens.

and i also had to understand that i don't know how to talk to them, anymore.
anyway to react if i see one.
for me they are like the dinosaurs. :D



Now i believe i get sick .or i'm already sick.
anyway
i want home in my bett.

*thinking: the week will last just two days...*


bye bye
and good night .<<3

when you see the truth.!?!

when you are just sitting
in your own world of trouble and sadness, cause the only thing you want is, not to be here.
you don't see that the world around you is turing !
you don't want to talk to the others cause they are not like you
"they can't understand" you always say to yourself.
but they understand you !
but you refuse to believe it !

so the time goes round and round .
and when you're comming home everything has changed too and you also refuse to believe it...

for me the time has come to believe that:

all my old friends i never know.
and all the friends i have here , i don't like or i have scared them away.


so now i have noone as a real good friend
and i need this so much that i can't life write at the moment.
this is also the problem why i can't talk write ....



.the more you took away yourself.
.the more you are alone.
.the more you talk with your friends.
.the less you are at home.
;D

hate´that i love it.<3

too words.
ugly and silly.
thats me.!

i can't choose between.
-go working-
-or go on this school -

the biggest problem is that my marks change
because i don't want to lern so much in so many time
and i've got so much stress, that my brain explode .

but I want to attend this school it is great
but also horror.!

and i want to work but not now.

the best thing would be if school doesn't end at the evening
like it does now.

something MUST change .
If not i'm going to dead!




.trying to choose.
.try not to loose.
.all have to turn.
.than i can lern.
.lern about life.
.lern to survive.

maul halten .shut up.!

.give me your hand.
i'll go to town.
i want you to understand.
what i have found.
i found a piece of a heart.








.as long as you stand here
i'll be with you.

If u want to go.
I'll stand here to wait for you.
for ever.

my immortal.

this weekend.
no i won't start like that.

when you cryed
i'd wipe away all of your tears.


you can all this fuqqing shit blog .
emo blog because i'm only writing bad things and sad things in it,...


i kissed a boy and i had a problem with them
i don't know why but i cryed the hole saturday night at the
sturmfest .
and i met all kind of people i like but
i didn't care a just cryed
and now i'm in linz again and having trouble with me
and with everything.


.this is the time somehing will change.!

mr.gabriel.

oh my god.

the weekend was damn and shit.

because i was in this famous and really great disco called gabriel or gabe,
and ann was there too because we had said that one day she has to go there...

it was so much great and wonderful because the hole day i had so much fun.
first with my family in the shops and then with an and
rami and in the end i was in dans flat with ann
and then the nightline came and oh it was just great.
i've dance the whole night ..
in the end my feet hurt so much that i changed the shoes with lena
and the nightline back was also much fun.

but i worry about rami and his boystory.
i'm sad ... for her and i want that she gets this boy.
i hope it so much..this is for her and her heart ♥


next week there is the stormparty.
the party is very year and i should really say that.
last year at the stormparty my life really started.!


yeah

i 've missed m blog.!

and now I'm in a hurry because so much people are writing me on wmc.
i've to say bye bye

.life got great.
.life is now.
.maybe it's too late.
.to show you how.
.how to life it like a queen.
.i'll give you a time maschien.
.to send you back on this day.
.the day you thrown your heart away.

talking.? no ! dreaming!

.the weekend was not so bad.
i was in liezen. oh i love this town.
and the best thing i was with my motorbike.
and i met ann again .
and ramii and domii i and muchi and all the other friends i like so much.

i droved home in the dark.
i find it funny but it was very very very cold.
but i loooooove to drive with my motorbike. ♥

I'm laughing .
yeah men are very comlicated...

i don't know want to to and i don't know what i want but I'm trying to
enjoy my life as good as i can.


bye bye baby bye bye.

i'm wirting don't say anything.

heaven- earth- hell





heaven- i want to be but i think 2 days ago was a bit of it.



earth- was yesterday morning and the schoolparty or more probably the school.

hell was all the rest untill now.





i know i'm writing like an very pessimistic person ...
but i can't help myself .

this time i won't write so dramatic:

i've heard many people say,that my hear is great.
with the new color :D

tomorrow the weekend starts and i probably see my friends.







. the raindrops are falling on the cold grey stone.
.the lights aren't that bright.
.a jung men is hanging on his phone.
.no clouds are quiet white.
.but the more you look into your mind.
.the more clearness you'll find.

fucking shit of the fuck.

sitting here in my room in the dorm.

but were i really want to be is new york.





in my class there are groups and i can't find the write people.
i want home i want home i want home!

but i want the "matura"....
and linz is the fucking same as last year no.
fucking stupider!!!!


and there is this boy
i don't know wat i want so I'm so confused
and i've got so much in my head that i can't sleep in my head.

Oh i want to cry.
no i can't because of my roommate.


i'm in the deep and i think i'll go deeper.!!!

bye bye.

saturday.

yesterday.-.normal.or maybe a good day.
today.-.strange day.
hopely tomorrow get's better.


I'm not soure if i should go out.
or go to the cinemar to see this really good horror-movie.

really strange day .
normaly I'm writing sooo much that i nearly can't stop
but now.


just hearing :Saturday from the best band ever : Fall out boy.
[love this lyrics and they are right in this situation.!]

good night guys.

what's wrong.?

what the fuck is wrong with me .
a wonderful boy is calling me and i can't pick up the phone.
why i'm so childish.?
he wouldn't kill me if I'm talking shit...



instead i through my phone down.


god ...and i don't want ba to linz .
but i have to,.


the blog is my only chance to come down.
i need my blog everyday...
damn.

what should i do to change my live i want it.?

At the moment i'm shaking...
I'm at the end.

bye people .
maybe i get an angel who would save me.




listening :Blink 182 -not now.!

harder than ever?.

I always need the right sound when I'm writting my blog...
so i think 'we are broken' is a good song.

I'm just sitting in my bed with my boxers, a old t-shirt and my online-dictinoary.

Today was a stange and a in a kind of ways a bit funny day.
On sunday my grandmother has got her 80th birthday.
and all my relatives will come to her party.
We also have got a presentation for her on a big canvas..or how i should call it.
what ever..
My family is very nervous .
They want no mistakes or disturbances.


[-like my dad now.
i'm writting and he switches the Internet off.
he's my dad but he doens't understand me.
i'm really scared ...
what would be if i marry such a man?]

next week i want to drive to vienna with some of my friends but onbody has time.
and i've saved so much money just for that.

maaan
what the f***
is going on this summer.?


all my best freinds chance ..
but that would be okay.

but they haven't got time for me because they have now other good friends and that's only
because we aren't going on the same school ...

it kills me!!!
it's really hard because i'm sitting here always in that smal place and when i want to
visit my friends i've to drive one hour.
and in school-time .
in linz.
there are not the right people..
don't misundersand me.

they are nice and friendly and funny but i'm not open.
i need much time to trust in a person and to love her ..him..


hey guys i wont sleep much even.
but i want come to an end .


'what if'.................................?


bye bye.

the rain yeah...

it's my first blog, so sry if you hate it...

just kidding.



today i' ve only been thinking of what will be ...

because school starts soon,so i've got my fears...

and the weather has turned ...

it rains.





oh man i'd like to be in folks..

because today i started reading new moon.

i've already read all books but the movie starts in 85 days in germany and i can't wait to see it.


okay.
so I'm from Austria so i can't write in english so well..
thats the reason why i'm writing sometimes in my languae..
and sorry if i make som misstakes with the gramma or some words..
but english is my favourit language and the most people understand it.


Also jetzt mal deutsch :
Mal schaun ob ichs drauf hab mal nicht stunden nur über garnichts zu schreiben denn das liegt mir sehr.
Ich hab echt keinen Plan was ich hier mache, also warum ich mich bei Blogger angemeldet habe.
Klar die leute freuen sich jetzt weil sie ein Mitglied mehr haben. Aber wenn ich mal realistisch bin wer sieht sich schon meine Blog an.Bei dem eine sehr verwirrtes Mädchen über sich selbst und die Welt schreibt.
Ich weiß nicht viel nur das mein Leben ein einziges Chaos ist und ich es dafür genau so viel hasse wie liebe.

so now some for the *little briten* under the people.
oh my god
I've got the worst gramma ever.
If my english teacher would see that she would cut my head.
In the german text stands in short wörds:
that i have no idea why i looked myself in .. in blogger...
and that noone would vist my blog.

now its 01:57 am.
I'm hearing Beatsteaks -german band.
not so bad i think.
but i'd ratter prefer Bring me the Horrizon or some scremo bands now.


I hope you don't fell asleep when you read that.
so.

buy . buy . all the e's and j's on earth.
time to have some fun.