If the sun . . .

winter makes ma depressiv.
but x-mas makes me smile :)

the last test next week. and only a view problems left.
then i can turn my head off and sleep till the sun comes again. ♥

the normal would just say: shit.

cellphonedevil. fooddemon.desirehellhound.

wamp wamp. i can't sleep.
i can't do anything.

my head . my head >.<>

thats the reason why it is called live.

so.


you call it your greatest love.
ur only one.
but after a time it is back.
the usuall feeling.
the usual depression of the cause. there are so many songs
which explain this feelings. :
dead memories.
baby come on.
given in death. . .

and so on. nice day. guys.;)

send it for me.

don't want to speak this shit.
can't even speak out want i think.

>.< what happened to my english?

finny and sat

:(
fat and skinny had a race
all around the pillow case
fat fell down and broke her face
skinny said: haha i won the race.


the mood is on the ground just of the size and of my weight

hell what is happening i should be happy
but i can't

damn . go on drinking alcohol and say fuck:P

fuking new stuufff

http://www.flickr.com/photos/drop_aw/

beetween. fears and hope.

studying and dreaming
eating and worrying

damn. i would do everything for him.
i would change my whole life for him.
i want to save him
i want to cure him.
i love him
damn i miss him so much.

i give a damn what you think.!

I'm not afraid?!
I AM afraid.

this times come back.
I'm alone.


blind from now.!


:/ but still hanging on this rope .
come take my hand.!

boringbaby.

wow.
waisting day.
new hobby of me.!


drawing the curtain. cause outside is this real world
this perfekt world :(

he hate and love it but if we need it we don't know it :p

tomorrow the school starts. what should i say. xD nothing but i love my school so . . . there is no problem. This day : first day in boarding school is always a bit confusing :) but i hope this year will be great. good bye and good night. ah sry my weight: i don't know. but not as much as last time thank good I love my boyfriend.♥

. upupup. that make sense!

i want . . .
i want . . .
to start every sentense with i want is very exhausting.

but i want to move to 45 kilos.
wtf.
how can i ever make it?!

the power comes from . . . ?!
how every you'll see how I get along.!

today starts with 56,5 kilos
damn -.-

.airplanes.

I can really use a wish right now.


wish I was him not I !

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

this post is for all the children of divorce i know to much of them. I'm so sorry for them. damn fucking love can be difficult. but hey. don't give up. someones out there who will hold your hand If you need a backround.


for all of them :P, Z, S, A, T, M, M , J , V , R , S ,V . . .


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U





one day everythings perfect just for you. ♥

I'm gonna stay 18 for ever.

i'm all you've ever wanted . . .
We are never alone.

we're the coolest kids . . .
so we can stay like this forever.

paradise is the red line here.

working working working working working he he he a whole week in 7 words. and waiting . . . till it goes: Oh it's the first of september bring me some new stuff . . .

so cheep.

sorry youre not a winner.

back on the street.

very stange morning.
maybe it's the weathers fault.


i said live your dream. but what happens when your dream broke down, like a car. and you can't fix it, because someone special has visited your brain.
(bad endlish but i like it)

coolly.

he just gives me everything.♥ never without him♥. he's my hero. ♥it just made bang bang and i was shut down.♥




now some new shit: I'm a worry girl. it took me 24 hours a day to worry. but the worries to day, a more than these . . . . others. it depends just on one person.


best friends are like ships.
You can jump on them and drive around with them.
But if you didn't watch carefully you fall off and they'll drive away.

sommer of factination and love

♥

watering the pants in sierra nevada. cooking 10 meals for 3 dead people. killing water?!

he's famous.
he's cute.
he's obvious.
he's good.

is he love.?!
and i love him.?!

nothing else matters.?!

still don't believe in me.
still don't know what my heart tries to say.
still don't know where my heart belongs to.
but enjoy wasting time here♥

f. i. n. a. l. thoughts.

empty head.
the weekend is spinning around in my head.

music therapy♥

this day of hope has died.

Nothing but pain, nothing but anguish
Depriving me of mercy,refusing all compassion
These bare walls around me
My prison, my dungeon

Deliver me to ransom,
No god can justify this cruelty
There's nothing left for me
There's nothing left but agony

At last break down this dogma
Just let me go, just let me be
Just let it be my last breath
As all peace has left this world

There is serenity given in death
Silence is falling down
So long ago I lost my anchor
As all my sorrows drown

The turmoil of this world is not my struggle anymore
The end is putting down its hand for me,
I see, I feel

As all my sorrows drown
Just let me go, just let me be
Just let it be my last breath
Days fade away, songs die away

My peace of mind, given in death
As all peace has left this world
So long ago I lost my anchor
I'm longing for redemption

The turmoil of this world is not my struggle anymore
The end is putting down its hand for me,
I see, I feel

These bare walls around me
My prison, my dungeon
There's nothing left for me
There's nothing left but agony

The turmoil of this world is not my struggle anymore
The end is putting down its hand for me,
I see, I feel

Enclosed by the mists of oblivion,
Days fade away, songs die away

The turmoil of this world is not my struggle anymore
The end is putting down its hand for me,
I see, I feel

at bäämbäm you should stop.

nothing but anguish ♥

right now I'm dangerous ;P

they killed my soul.
so i decided to go to supermarket and buy a new one.
i choose to pay with my fat belly, cuz i don't need him.
The till girl looked like the hello kitty doll and said:
ey if you buy this thing you get this free.!
and she pressured me tears in my eyes.

good i hope there wont be so much side effects ^^

own way.

dd-shirt♥

this sucks?!
this fucks
this is hell
but sickness won't

cure your life again.

tell me something sweet.♥

LA LA LA

I'm missing you so much.
but I'm not allowed to evern think of you.!
phsst.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jf2MsqC-LiY&feature=related


>>holy picture's in my head
feeling the enemy is dead?<<

establish one cook to blanch , establish.

. . . and the winner is the one who's without any mistake.
she war torned and wrecked the notion in his head she could possible save her own life.

She was a fool she loved a fool and if she tryed to look ahead she merely saw the laughing face of him, wish isn't really serious . . .

>> i just wanna be happy. <<


i'll missing you so much I'll see you die tonight.
just so I can get to you befor the sun will rise. . .
you had me at hello.

c for celebration.

fix your heart.!
because I can't fix mine.

the days went past like the leaves following the wind in the autumn.
the only new thing is that I'm missing someones heartbeat so much that
yesterday I cryed for half an hour.
just because of this stupid, childish reason.

. . .and at this moment there is a noise.
hate it.
even it's 9 o'clock or something like that, and some guest are in the house.
i could possilbe scream them to death.


[listen to: Perfect - Simple Plan]

.don't beeing myself while I'm having breakfast

what shoud i do do do do .

he / she / it kills me!

and he and he and he makes me wanna get completly confused!

inside the know outside they grow.

forgotten.
this sense of happieness whitchs contains in every smile.
looking outside and see that the winter changed into a sea of lovers and couples and kissing people.


terrified of the knowledge that at this moment your live turns to the worser side.
the side where you aren't able to shout or evern to speak out your fears cause this fear already chought you.!

scared scared scared.!

[when i see you standing there, wanting more from me,
and all i can do is try.]
[nelly furtado]

in my head.head.head.

. this week was stressing me more than ever...
.but it gets better.

hoplessly i think there won't be a boy who could every get along with me.
and acceptfully i try to unterstand why .


>I still press your letters to my lips.
so if you love me let me go.
my smile was taken long ago.<

[slipknot-snuff]

not like this again.

webcam webcam webcam.
everyday.
oh. oh. it' was great.


todays highscore : 5 people. o.O
at this moment : no one.

: D
i've really no idea what is happening at the moment.
my life changes and i don't know
but for the first time I'm not afraid : DD

o . this.

> would he hear me if i called his name?
> would he hold me if he knew my shame?

tears [don't fall?!]

i don't know.
what i should say.
everything is so confusing,
wednesday i was " dancing drinking and losing my mind "
and today i have to learn

. . . and i also find no love .

> can anybody help me make it better?

a punk.

i can feel it comming.

summer . friends . love?
at this moment nothing counts and thats great.

whatever .
i think the whole day.
because my life had sucked soo long,
whatever .
whatever. go on dancing ;D


.picture : vampire weekend . from flickr.

alone from now.?!

i tried so hard and get so far but in the end it doesn't even matter.!

.start with something new.
thats in my mind.
something terriefied
something black and blue.
something new.


.but i alway say the same.
that there would be something new.
god damn it is never true.
please someone should really show me the way.!

hell yeah. and oh my fucking god.! aren't right !!

. . .wednesday oh wednesday
if i could stay 16 forever than wednesday would never come.
if someone could tell him i would die than he would never come.
if i wouldn't have talked to him, . . he would never know. me



shut up english gramma. ^^

I'm standing at the abyss.
and looking into the deep.
I need someone to miss.
Or someone i can keep.
what had happend to me.?
and where is he?

why does this sound so dramatic.?
or is this just so hypothetic.?

sweet dream?!

someone wrote play with me on my forehead!!


but it isn't okay.!!!


>>Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused <<

[sweet dream _ marily manson]

some problems to discuss.!

frist of all.
there's he!.
secoundly there is this "bill" which a didn't had payed.
or i don't know the right way to describe it.
then there is jana .
and oh my good i want to go home.!

after the sun comes the cookie.!

they said to me don't like him.
they said to me take care.
they said to me he's an ass.

i don't mind.
i had to realise that i didn't need to choose.
because he had chosen!
but it was too late.
i had choose him.!

>>don't break , don't break my heart!<<>

what happend to my sunshine boy.?

he's clam.
he has the perfection of selfconfidence.
he's clever.
good looking.


but he is to perfekt.
what ever will be he would make me smile
i would say. :)

and there is one thing i would never do again.
to love !

staying doesn't mean, i like u.

ha.
theres this aweful tast in my mouth.
that sucks.
there are this hills of fat in me.
there is this suppressed feeling that i hate him.
just because of his voice.

so I'm failing
or I'm just to stupid to recognise that I'm dreaming . . .
what ever today's Wednesday.

and in the end we 'll see what happend.!

i don't wanna be anything other than me. . .

new addiction: one tree hill.
and everyday depression.
just like today. : sitting in the car, waiting for my parents and thinking of everydaything
but then i saw paul... just a friend, he didn't see me but the first idea i got was:
I'm too fat
so a cried till my parents entered the car.


where am I ?
could i be that I'm lost ?


>> I can't close my eyes and make it go away<<
[ sunday bloody sunday]

where du i have to go.. .

.my laptop broken,
everyday I'm so confussed,
this week was also very stange.



.should i wait for the right?
should i stay and fight?
should i make a desicion?
or should i keep crawling to my own weapon.?
[listening to: disturbia rihanna]



.at first the hills will grow^^
the eyes will be closed
if you will for the most.
than they 'll see you're gettin sicker inside.
[listening to: russian roulette rihanna]


.ending bye bye

the right thing .?!

i've never believed that i could ever survive without my laptop.
anyway, i guess i have chanced my life into a better life.
I have to tell you about that:

from 31.12 everthing went well, untill now.
today i was at the great "grimming therme" with my parent.
yesterday i was snowboarding.
and from 31.12 i was at 3 drifferent places and never at home.

it's like a rush of felling great.
i hope it never ends.!

the only thing / person who is missing ...
is the love .

but i gotta feeling :)
that he will come soon


never ending good <3
bye bye


listening : the prodigy- omen